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sue

Something heavy in the air

Something heavy in the air

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It's probably been two years since I've really sat down and written. Have avoided writing because I did not want to indulge and live in my emotions and thoughts there and then, when I knew they would pass...

So many of my beautiful friends, my best friends in Asia, the US and Europe, are sad. Thickly sad, enveloped in veils they are afraid will always stay with them. Afraid of suffocating under them. sick of being disappointed in the world, in people and in love. tired of going home alone. and scared that they won't be able to get out of it. Friends who are so beautiful but who cannot see it in themselves, or those who see it but then begin to doubt for the dearth of resonance with the world. and so it carries on in this iterative process.

i was confused, and then annoyed when he talked of loneliness. I didn't, i couldn't understand the concept. Couldn't wrap my head and heart around it. Why couldn't he just toughen up and trudge on. Build up your own inner resilience so you are impermeable to the vagaries of other human beings. I couldn't empathise simply because i never felt it. I had never felt lonely in my entire life. I'm only now beginning to understand.

p.s. I've just checked. It's strangely enough been only almost a year since i started posting again. I think it's been a resolution at the start of the year, like all my other new year resolutions which hang on the tree like a sad expectant dream.
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